{"product_id":"dead-men-have-no-vitals-tee-shirt","title":"Dead Men Have No Vitals Pirate EMS First Responder T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp class=\"PDq2pG_selectionAnchorContainer\" data-end=\"385\" data-start=\"312\"\u003eDead men may not tell tales, but first responders still check for vitals.\u003cspan class=\"PDq2pG_selectionAnchor\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"635\" data-start=\"387\"\u003eThe \u003cstrong data-end=\"426\" data-start=\"391\"\u003eDead Men Have No Vitals T-Shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e is a funny pirate-inspired EMS shirt made for EMTs, paramedics, nurses, first responders, rescue workers, and medical pros who like their humor a little dark, a little nautical, and still completely wearable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1007\" data-start=\"637\"\u003eThis design takes classic pirate adventure energy and gives it a first responder twist. The artwork features a pirate skull, red medic bandana, crossed sword detail, stethoscope, pulse lines, first aid kit, bandages, and a “First Response Crew” banner. It has the look of a vintage pirate badge but the joke is clearly built around EMS, vitals, and medical rescue humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1214\" data-start=\"1009\"\u003eThis shirt is a strong choice for theme park trips, pirate-themed events, EMS appreciation gifts, paramedic gifts, nurse gifts, first responder vacations, Halloween season outfits, or casual off-duty wear.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-end=\"1240\" data-start=\"1216\" data-section-id=\"16u8r4w\"\u003eWhy This Shirt Works\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1519\" data-start=\"1242\"\u003eThis is not a generic skull shirt. The medical details make the joke land immediately: no vitals, medic gear out, first response crew on deck. It blends pirate humor, EMS culture, and theme park adventure style into one bold graphic that feels funny without being too childish.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1688\" data-start=\"1521\"\u003eThe design works especially well for people who like rescue humor, medical jokes, pirate-style graphics, and shirts that stand out in a theme park or vacation setting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-end=\"1703\" data-start=\"1690\" data-section-id=\"4jxzzs\"\u003eGreat For\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2003\" data-start=\"1705\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1726\" data-start=\"1705\" data-section-id=\"mtgq57\"\u003eEMTs and paramedics\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1755\" data-start=\"1727\" data-section-id=\"16i0qp\"\u003eNurses and medical workers\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1790\" data-start=\"1756\" data-section-id=\"1kglys2\"\u003eEMS workers and first responders\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1810\" data-start=\"1791\" data-section-id=\"16v012c\"\u003ePirate humor fans\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1849\" data-start=\"1811\" data-section-id=\"te3unn\"\u003eFirst responder spouses and families\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1872\" data-start=\"1850\" data-section-id=\"jbxs6j\"\u003eTheme park vacations\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1898\" data-start=\"1873\" data-section-id=\"868i24\"\u003ePirate-themed park days\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1923\" data-start=\"1899\" data-section-id=\"5kch6l\"\u003eEMS appreciation gifts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1950\" data-start=\"1924\" data-section-id=\"1k1ky6s\"\u003eHalloween season outfits\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1974\" data-start=\"1951\" data-section-id=\"1wx31nb\"\u003eOff-duty medic shirts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2003\" data-start=\"1975\" data-section-id=\"ofhpez\"\u003eBirthday and holiday gifts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-end=\"2024\" data-start=\"2005\" data-section-id=\"1o2c85r\"\u003eProduct Details\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"2338\" data-start=\"2026\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2047\" data-start=\"2026\" data-section-id=\"ix1bou\"\u003eUnisex everyday fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2072\" data-start=\"2048\" data-section-id=\"1kugo90\"\u003eSoft, comfortable feel\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2094\" data-start=\"2073\" data-section-id=\"1pgvefy\"\u003eFront graphic print\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2123\" data-start=\"2095\" data-section-id=\"rmor7t\"\u003ePirate-inspired EMS design\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2187\" data-start=\"2124\" data-section-id=\"1pdivpv\"\u003eEasy to wear with jeans, shorts, joggers, or vacation outfits\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2270\" data-start=\"2188\" data-section-id=\"6xn8rf\"\u003eDesigned for casual wear, gifting, park days, and off-duty first responder humor\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"2338\" data-start=\"2271\" data-section-id=\"1agpt4m\"\u003eGreat for medical workers who like bold designs with a clear joke\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-end=\"2353\" data-start=\"2340\" data-section-id=\"kpugta\"\u003eFit Notes\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2561\" data-start=\"2355\"\u003eThis shirt has a classic unisex fit. Order your usual size for a standard fit. Size up if you prefer a looser, more relaxed vacation or oversized look. Check the size chart before ordering for the best fit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ctable style=\"min-width: 360px;\" id=\"size-guide\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding: 10px;\"\u003e \u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eWidth, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e18.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e20.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e22.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e24.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e26.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e28.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eLength, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e28.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e29.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e30.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e31.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e32.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e33.00\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eSleeve length, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e8.23\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e8.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e8.74\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e9.02\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e9.25\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e9.49\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eSize tolerance, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e1.50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-end=\"2584\" data-start=\"2563\" data-section-id=\"dfymt4\"\u003eCare Instructions\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"2762\" data-start=\"2586\"\u003eWash inside out with cold water. Tumble dry low or hang dry for best results. Do not iron directly over the printed design. Avoid bleach to help keep the graphic looking sharp.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-end=\"2784\" data-start=\"2764\" data-section-id=\"1jybzkt\"\u003eGift-Ready Angle\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3050\" data-start=\"2786\"\u003eLooking for a funny gift for an EMT, paramedic, nurse, first responder, EMS dad, medical spouse, or rescue worker? This shirt is a strong pick for someone who likes pirate humor, medical jokes, theme park energy, and off-duty shirts that actually have personality.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"3166\" data-start=\"3068\"\u003eFor the first response crew member who knows the treasure is important, but the vitals come first.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Light Blue \/ S","offer_id":51704145707228,"sku":"16984181206292085817","price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sport Grey \/ S","offer_id":51704145739996,"sku":"43029849009331693078","price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":51704145772764,"sku":"28505920889831890359","price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Natural \/ S","offer_id":51704145805532,"sku":"21010668645064675190","price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Indigo \/ 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